Tuesday, July 15, 2014

It Lives Under the Couch

It lives under the couch.  It lurks around waiting for the right time to strike.  It's always there and for the good of all mankind, often forgotten.

Until... the VVers chose to move into new digs and unearth the party-in-a-box!  What is this box?  It's the 80's box!  An instant party full of crap-tastic synth records, rainbow slouch socks, piano tie, hair crimper, Voltron t-shirt, and Transformers: The Movie.

Lionel is so excited to be in the 80's box he pole vaulted out of his center spread using a giant bread stick.
Better than the electric boogaloo.
Created when VVer #2 decided to have an 80's party for her birthday a few years back, the 80's records that had co-mingled with the collection swiftly got picked out and stashed in a separate pile in preparation for the party.  The VVers went on an extra record store binge to bolster the 80's offerings for guests.  Many of these records only have one or two songs worth listening to such as Cory Heart "Sunglasses at Night" or Thomas Dolby "She Blinded Me with Science."  When the dust had settled post party and all the Tab had been guzzled, the VVers were faced with a quandary.  What to do with all these crimped-out finds!?!  While they try to stay neutral on discriminating between their musical tastes, the VVers do discriminate on 80's records.  Good ones that warrant frequent playing time get to stay and hang out in the world with the rest of the collection while the rest have been sentenced to a life under the couch.

First Offense,
you mean there was more than one album?
The 80's box is in fact an unassuming old, beige, boot-shoebox.  It was kept separate from the primary vinyl collection which was carefully packed away for the recent move.  Amongst stacks of heavy moving boxes the boot box was easiest to access and the VVers curiously opened it up.  Lacking other options, these gems (gems?) were played in their entirety while painting the new casa.  It was slightly painful and probably not a good idea to be on a ladder holding a paint roller and want to TURN OFF THE RECORD!  One such slab, Wham! Make it Big had never been played.  It had sat peacefully in obscurity under the couch waiting for this very moment to crush the tired and witless movers with its horrendous pop crapitude.  VVer #2 really despises some of the tracks that will remain unmentioned (ok, "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" IS the WORST song EVER).  Why keep it in the box?  Album closer "Careless Whisper" gave the VVers great entertainment when they coined an entirely new song about beige paint while most likely high on the fumes.  What does one follow that up with?  Turns out the answer is Heart's self-titled disaster of an eighth album from 1985.  VVer #1 wanted to have nothing to do with this.  "What About Love" and "These Dreams" are pretty horrible (and fun) upon re-listen, but not nearly as bad as the rest of the album.  What happened to Heart in the 80's?  YIKES.

Survivin' in the 80's BOX!
Other Box Denizens include:
Breakin' Soundtrack
Bobby Brown Dance...Ya Know It!
Lionel Richie Can't Slow Down 
Dire Straits Money for Nothing
Prince Purple Rain
Peter Gabriel So
Pat Benatar Live from Earth
Young MC Bust a Move 12"
Tears for Fears Songs from the Big Chair
The Cult She Sells Sanctuary
Andre Cymone Survivin' in the 80's

The list goes on and on, until the box is full.  You get the gist.  Tis' a mighty box, for a mighty party.  With contents this awesome and frightening, the box should only be unearthed on special occasions.

1 comment:

  1. Ok, so I want you guys to have another eighties party now. you had me a piano tie. also i have terrible 80s pop songs stuck in my head now...