There rests a large cardboard box in the middle of the living room in the House of VV. Inside, a fancy new turntable ordered from Needle Doctor in Minnesota. With the VVers having a busy week, and needing to rearrange their current electronics set-up before setting up the new player, the box sat untouched for a few days.
Vengeful spookiness ensued.
|Artist rendition of actual real imagined events|
While playing Soundgarden EP, Fopp, on the second night that the new box sat in the living room, there was a moment the VVers turned to each other with eyebrows raised. "Oh! It's must be set to 45, the wrong speed!" (typical activity in the House of VV). Upon pushing the button on the AT to change back to 33, it sped up even more, then equalized. Apparently it was already at 33, then decided to push itself to 45. It was definitely wrong and after toggling the buttons an extra time it played correctly at 33. VVer1 could tell the song was initially wrong because "I was dancing--funk dancing--and Soundgarden is not that kinda band." The speeds were strange, but it did add some extra fun juice to the synths on the f'ed-up "Fopp (Fucked Up Heavy dub remix)." A happy off-speed accident? More likely a message of warning that the house machine was not amused.
On the third night, the turntable chose to be extra well-behaved. While the VVers were listening to an LP from Mr. Chuck Berry, the record had a skipping groove. As VVer2 got up from playing Settlers of Catan with the neighbors, and before she made it to the turntable, the needle decided to fix itself declaring: "Look at me, I'm a great turntable!" "Keep me!" Thinking that everything was ok, the House of VV went back to the seemingly normal game of Catan, but as it turns out VVer1 was clearly possessed by the indomitable spirit of the turntable. He spent the rest of the night cheating with total disregard for the rules of the board game while the old AT player spun merrily along. Curse!
This was the last straw. The VVers committed to setting up the new player that weekend and with the viewing of several goofy YouTube videos were able to get it into action. "The tables have turned!"
"You've had your turn Mr. Bond!"
Flash forward to present(ish) day:
End of story, right? Wrong. The new table had all sorts of wingdings and gewgaws that needed adjusting to exact precision. This took months to get right. YouTube was helpful. The instructions and home page of the new Pro-Ject player had some helpful tidbits a well. But "months" is not an exaggeration. While everything is going well these days, it had been a mental leap to have to manage something that used to so easily and effectively manage itself. Beware!
Double flash forward to the year 2076:
From their record-shaped flying saucer, the VVers activate their teleportation device and empty out their storage unit finding the AT! It has grown horns and acquired a trident, but still sounds great when played. The VVers of the future applaud the VVers of the past for deciding to keep the vengeful turntable around for the next generation of those possessed with the vinyl hobby.