Wait, wait, WAIT! What about the record collection!?!?! There won't be anything worth living for if the VVers don't have their tunes. But how to carry everything you will need to survive, plus vinyl? Is this the time to enlist the aid of an ex-special forces super agent gone rogue? No, no, no, that only works in the movies. In an emergency situation of this magnitude, things are bound to get heavy real fast. The only solution is a bike with a hitch to quickly load in the essentials... and a master plan!
You only have moments to prepare. Quick, pluck five records from the shelf! Leaving this sort of decision until the last moment will almost certainly lead to panic. Put down the baby and start thinking this through as soon as possible! One should assume this is a "desert island" scenario, where magically there will be a record player and speakers to play your records from when you land in your Canadian bunker. Your US dollars will be worthless by this point. All the stores in Canada only have Celine Dion and Bryan Adams LPs and a few stray Gordon Lightfoot singles left on the shelves. It's the apocalypse, remember? OK USA, these are your five LP records that will be on repeat, repeat, repeat...
What LPs do the VVers take? (Box sets don't count.)
VVer #1 focused on albums with music from the USA that are more rare and less likely to be just lying around at some Canadian's house. More of an archival outlook perhaps? "I'm doing this for my country (as he salutes and straightens his American flag bow tie)."
In no particular order:
Nirvana Bleach
Because, obviously. "It's on freakin' pink translucent vinyl!"
Faith No More The Real Thing
The end of the world is going to be weird and wild. This album is that.
Beastie Boys Paul's Boutique
Just in case we make it, this will be a good one for the afterparty.
The Faint Doom Abuse
Dark as Ragnarok, but at least you'll be dancing.
Nine Inch Nails The Downward Spiral
A pretty ideal soundtrack for the end of the American dream. Let the tears flow.
VVer #2 focused on albums that are played-and-proven "classics" that she will never get sick of. She doesn't care if the records are from the States, she just wants to listen to good music.
In no particular order:
A Place to Bury Strangers Transfixiation
The apocalypse needs to be loud. This record is the soundtrack to "Fill the Void."
Manu Dibango Soul Makossa
There's a good mix of melancholy, joyousness, and bongos on here.
Neil Young Rust Never Sleeps
He's Canadian, ya know! Also doubles as a passport.
Puscifer Conditions of My Parole
It's as close to perfect as an album gets, so for sure it's coming.
The Clash Combat Rock
The escape will need Joe Strummer yelling in your ear "know your rights, these are your rights!"
Queen Live at the Rainbow '74
Basically it's Queen II and Sheer Heart Attack live! Two for one (wait, it is two--it's a double)! Plus, there are awesome asides from Freddie and the typical crushing Queen sonics.
("Haha, did you notice I picked six, not five! I win, and my back will hurt from biking with these extra records!")
VVer #1:
Chuck Brown & The Soul Searchers Bustin' Loose
DC's very own, and the song title is entirely appropriate. Look out Great White North; DC culture is heading your way!
VVer #2:
The Daily Hum The Fireman
One song, 33 and 45, bleak and ska, from Norway.
Extra points if you remember to bring the record brush. The apocalypse is going to be dusty.
Will Brother VV (the avid biker) meet up in NYC to be a fearless leader and guide to the Canadian border? The VVers are hoping a few friends and family glob onto the bike brigade to escape the present tyrannical rule. Maybe they'll even help with the heavy lifting, or bring records of their own to add to the surviving collection.
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