Sunday, August 1, 2010

Same Records Everywhere, A Proposal

Every Barbara Streisand, Barry Manilow, and Neil Diamond album ever recorded, is found in every record haunt we scour. Imagine how much better life would be for everybody if these records were gone. Nobody is looking for these records and all they do is act as time consuming obstacles for music hounds everywhere. "I'm looking for a DEVO record, not Manilow LIVE!" On a side note, last night we ventured into Smash! and were later found enjoying a drink at a nearby bar and basking in the fact that we just went to a record store and didn't dig through any of the aforementioned crappy albums. Some stores are ahead of the curve. Where did these abundant and discarded records come from in the first place? Older music aficionados surely jettisoned them when they made the conversion to tape/cd in the 80's. These Manilow fans are not likely to be trawling the record bins at thrift stores. Why? Because if they were, these records would not be EVERYWHERE. Not only are these records everywhere, but more importantly, there is little chance they will ever relocate. So what is to be done?

Here is one plan:
-all albums made by Manilow, Streisand, Diamond (are there others I should be adding to this list?) will be gathered in a central warehouse by state.
-gathering these albums will be a piece of cake as they are EVERYWHERE.
-each crappy record warehouse will be sealed off to protect generations of people with taste from potential harm.
-the warehouse will only be accessible in case of emergency (such as ... that star trek movie, you know the one with the whales)
-once the warehouses reach capacity, any additional albums will be loaded into a giant rocket and shot into the sun. Awesome!


  1. It may be a Texas thing (no wait, it's definitely a Texas thing), but if I see one more Kenny Rogers record...or that Firestone Christmas album...

  2. Linda Rondstadt needs to be added to this list. Also, with the exception of Whipped Cream and Other Delights, Herb Alpert also gets nominated for this list.