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| The Doomsday Device. |
The Pizza Platter Paradox!
Invented by a super secret society (actually it was me) to subvert the will and authority of an unsuspecting America. Crafted to combine the two things that cool people (also known as east coast hipsters) love more than anything: pizza and vinyl records.
When unleashed upon an unsuspecting public, citizens will be trapped in a cruel state of indecision. Eat the pie? Listen to the record? You cannot do both. Tragedy ensues. Citizens will rot in their apartments frozen in a coma of ecstasy, fear, and confusion. In a short time, extremely uncool people, already perched on the edge of domination will swiftly sweep into power. Hipsters everywhere, normally the first into the fray will be totally eradicated by this new menace. The escalation in food based musical warfare has begun. Woe unto us all.
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